Today hasnt been a very good day emotionally for me, have some things in my life that are happening that are challenging but its nothing i cant handle. I promise to blog about that as soon as i have more information if you will. Theres one thing that has tremendously bothered me today, and that is the hour conversation i had with my grandmother. I talk to my grandma at least once a week and if life events happen that make me busy then its about every other week, I make sure that I stay in contact with her as much as possible. Over the last few months I have shared concerns with her over the behavior of my sister, because i honestly dont know how to make her understand the things she is doing isnt right. I have never once talked down about my sister and i have been 100% honest in everything that i have told my grandmother about her actions. The things she has done and is doing is nothing to be proud of and i sure wouldnt want to admit to any of it but for the sake of my own being and happiness i know that i would need to.

My grandmother talked to my sister about the things that i told her and my sister flat out refused any of it was true, and said i had made up all the things that i said. Why on earth would i make up things that she has done just to look like a dumbass infront of everyone? and the worst part is my other sisters and my mom know that the things that i have said are 100% true. So i was called a liar today, i am many many things but i am not a liar. I spent an hour on the phone with her getting absolutley nowhere except more and more upset. I honestly dont understand this woman at all, who i also told her something else about my cousin and she didnt believe it til she saw it on her facebook page, really why on earth would i lie. I dont get it!!!!!?????

My grandmother told me that I will regret this when i am an old lady and i dont have my family. 1. wrong i will not because i didnt do anything but tell the absolute truth. 2. regret lemme just tell you how i percieve this word.

Regret-  to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)

"Never regret something you have done because at one point in time it was exactly what you wanted" This quote right here sums it up, you chose to do the things in your life, if you dont want to say later on...Oh i regret not going to college.....then go to college. Change, learn from the mistake,  yes its ok to have uneasy feelings about it but that experience has made you who are today, had you not made that choice you wouldnt have half the knowledge, or know half the people you do today. Saying you regret some part of your life is like you saying you are regretting living. Its part of lifes experiences. Make the same choice again just choose the outcome this time, change what you wish you would have done. thats all regret is wishing that you could change a situation. I wouldnt change a thing in my life because i chose for it to be this way with every thing that i have done my life is the way it is because of the choices i chose to make or chose not to make. In the end if i wanted to do something then i better get off my ass and do that thing before its too late.

I didnt think that i would blog twice in one day but i am really just upset about it. I am upset that family, love, and friendship is a 2 way street and the one person who is out there is trying is slamming into a brick wall. Only so many times will someone want to hit that brick wall before they say thats it I AM DONE....you can not try and try and try and keep getting nothing in return. it is a waste of your time and a waste of your emotions being upset all the time. It is not healthy!!! I cant live my life  wondering oh if i choose this decision is my family going to be upset, i have to choose to make decisions based on how i am living my life. it is my life, yes i can take into account how you feel but your not going to be the basis of my decisions, because your not living my life i am.

I cant take the crap this has caused anymore. i dont think that my heart can allow it! if that means being cut off from certain people in my family then so be it! i cant take the stress.

i hope that with a little meditation i can calm down and find peace withing myself.  Carpe Diem